Happy B-day to the most beautiful girl in the world

Miranda, I love you more than anything and everything. There is no place or time I would rather be, than right here with you, right now. Thanks for dealing with my shit for another year. Happy birthday.

Cap'n Creepy

With 8.1 mega-pixels of photographic power available to me, I have noticed that small details of my photographs can be enlarged with little to no distortion. Take a look at the following photograph-

Just a normal pic of another busy Amsterdam street corner... right? Wrong! Look what happens when I zoom in a little closer-

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.... I was just as shocked as you. Go ahead and take a moment to really absorb what you are looking at before you read any further...
As you can see, the man I have dubbed "Cap'n Creepy" has invaded one of my photos (and he haunts me in my dreams, Freddy Kruger style). Who the hell is this guy? I hope he does not invade any of my other photo's-

Damn You, Cap'n Creepy! Why must you ruin my photos!. I will turn lemons into lemonade and make this a positive thing, by turning your image into an iconic black and white stencil graphic. I will then have this graphic turned into stickers and other merchandise (G-String thong underwear). I will sell these fairly priced items to my loyal readers for a healthy profit-

Also I will get really F'd up one night and and make a psychedelic Rasta inspired image of you, Cap'n Creepy. I will put this image on quality made tee-shirts perfect for men or women of all ages and sizes.

Take that! Picture poaching (and dream stalking) Captain creepy! One day when you run across an image of yourself on a tee-shirt worn by a drunken American (and his six drunken buddies), you will change your mind about invading my photographic space (and nightmares). (and you will most likely sue the crap out of me).

Click Here To Buy it all Now! All money earned goes to me! You know you want to...

Communication breakdown

Talking with locals has proven to be one of the best ways to learn about other peoples culture. During these simple conversations, there always seems to be some funny things that get lost in the translation. We were asked the other day what word Americans used for three wheeled bicycles with wheelbarrow attachments... I simply responded "uh... I don't think we have those things in America.".

There was a couple in the sauna at the waterpark we attempted to conversate with. After we realized that they speak no English at all, an awkward silence fell upon the room. I shifted myself, and pushed a foot stool aside, inadvertently making a faux farting sound as the wooden stool rubbed against the tile floor. Three more seconds go by and I reach the awkward moment breaking point, "It wasn't me." I said pointing to the stool. The couple let out a laugh and all was well. It is good to know that fart jokes are universal.

I asked for a hot tea in a coffeeshop, the man replied "There is no such thing as a cold tea".

There was a confusing exchange when a train employee was trying to tell me that the train was "finished", and I thought she was asking if I spoke Finnish. "No." I kept saying, "English!".

There was a drunk Dutchman at the bar last night who kept saying things like; "Yer jerst stooped merikans, can't tell me that time trrraveel int posslibble!", "Woo needs mer burrs?!" and "Yer ok in my blook cos yer from naar Canada... Bot I love merkans though."

The plan...

With less than two weeks before we are obligated to return home, we still have so many things to do and places to see. So, now is when we kick things into high gear. Tomorrow we board the train to Paris, France, where we will spend three days. After Paris, we go to both Düsseldorf, and Cologne, Germany. I'm looking forward to drinking a giant beer in a German hall and eating a "wurst" of some type.

5 best foods so far

We have encountered some excellent food in the small time we have spent here in Europe. Here is a quick rundown-
5- Gigantic apple-bacon-cheese pancake from the Pancake Bakery
4- Pickled Herring sandwich from Stubb's Haring (The Dutch version of the hot dog)
3- The best Asian fast food ever from Wok to Walk (I could hardly "walk" afterwards)
2- Cheese and steak fondue from Cafe Bern
1- "African surprise" from Restaurant Semhar Etheopian and African food (I dont know what it was that I ate, and the waiter refused to tell me. Because that would have ruined the "surprise".)

Also, an honorable mention goes to Cafe Letting, for having the best French toast EVER... (sorry mom).

Pirate ship postcard

I know we look innocent...

Joey was a little shy to write about this, so I, Miranda, am temporarily taking over this blog, and it's even for the 50th post!
We all decided to go to a sex show, like you have to do when you are in Amsterdam. We went to the same one that our O.A.T. recommended when we came here the first time and saw the cigar. There are eight different shows that you watch, and when it gets back to the show you started with, thats when you leave. So, after chugging the fourth drink that came with the ticket we were going to leave, when the lady on stage began looking in my direction. She must of been able to tell I had a few drinks in me, so she started to try to get me to go on stage for participation. With the help of the rest of our group, I decided to go, I was the 1st of 4 that she needed. After awhile she had talked Erin into getting on stage as well. The next was this little British girl, who looked at me and asked in fear, "What are we going to do?" I of course replied that we were going to be eating a banana... and her eyes got huge. So after the lady got a guy as the 4th, she had us all dance around stage (with a guy in a gorilla suit) before we all sat down on the stage and she turned to us, look off her underwear, peeled a banana and put it... Luckily, Erin was 1st, I was second, and thank god the guy was last, because at that point she ripped off all but a little of the banana and wrapped her legs around his head as he ate the last piece. I felt bad that Erin and Jeff didn't have a chance to see the cigar, but I think that this made up for it, and I was told if I need to make any extra money while in Amsterdam...
A note from Joey: In the interest of full disclosure I should mention that the banana was never actually put INSIDE anything (but it was pretty damn close to the "Danger Zone"). This was more of a naughty comedy act, than a parlor trick... Oh, the things we have done (and written about).

Street Music in Brussels

Don't worry, we paid him to let us film.

When all else fails, ask Rick Steves.

Destination... Brussels!

For Valentines day, we took a train to Brussels, Belgium. Here the main spoken language is French, making communication difficult (and humorous). We were lucky to have Erin along to give us a crash course in French formalities. We spent most of the first day at the "Oceade" indoor waterpark. This was an excellent way to fight the winter blues. Oceade features amazing waterslides, including one that simulates the birthing process by spitting you out blind and unable to breathe. There was also a huge wave pool, tube slides, and an adults only area with a steam room, hottub, sauna and tanning beds. Plus they had excellent cheap Belgian beer to enhance the experience.
While in Belgium we made sure to try some fine foods. Of course I tried a Belgian waffle (which tastes the same as it does in the U.S.), and some choclates. Brussels is the official unofficial Capitol of europe, making it a very busy and diverse city. We stayed on the outskirts of the city in a very small and friendly hotel. It was freezing outside and the fog was extremely thick, making photos very difficult.
There was a hilarious incident that occoured on the train ride back to Amsterdam. Our train came to a stop in a small empty town somewhere in Belgium. This older lady with a confused look on her face came aboard and looked at me, "Finnish?" she asked. "No." I replied, "English".... She became more confused saying, "No, FINNISH!". I think I responded "No, ENGLISH!". You see, I thought she was asking if I spoke Finnish, when she was actually telling me that the train was FINISHED, and that we needed to leave now... The train conductor assured us that a train to Amsterdam would arrive in seven minutes. He lied. Fourty-five minutes later we boarded another train... Which came to an end ten miles later in the next small town. When we eventually made it home on Valentines night, we were tired and went to bed... all full of waffles, choclates, and beer.

Ice cream fondue before & after

*** WIN STUFF ***

This photo speaks for itself, but it still needs a funny caption. Here's where you come in... Leave a comment with your funniest caption for this photo, if your comment is the funniest you will win the super prize of an Amsterdam salt & pepper shaker set!*

*Not valid in Alaska.Prize may be changed without prior notice.Salt & pepper shaker may be shaped like a penis.Funniest comment will be chosen by us... while drunk.Prices and participation may vary.sorry, no c.o.d's.Prize must be surrendered upon request.Limit one penis shaped salt & pepper shaker set per household.Requires enrollment in the "Genital shaped kitchen item of the month" club.Not for use with food.Not for any use.Salt & pepper not included.

UPDATE: THE CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED! THE WINNER IS..... WINNINGATMYOWNGAME! VIEW THE COMMENTS SECTION TO READ THE WINNING CAPTION.

Jeff Merhar presents: Filming people while eating.

Look at Erin trying to "act natural". Look at the fire in my eyes, as I shovel food down my trap. Look at the obviously annoyed old man in the background smoking on a reefer. Look at Miranda attacking her food with pure unfiltered aggression. Listen to Jeff talk as he's making the worst video ever.

The booze will keep us warm

Going to an ice bar has been on my to-do list for quite some time. The concept is simple, everything is made of ice. The walls, the chairs, the tables, the glasses almost everything (except the floor and a television). We had stopped by another cheaper local bar to kick start the evening, by the time we slid into the ice bar we were already good and lit. First you enter a modern cocktail lounge, have a few drinks and wait for the ice bar to become available. Then you are whisked away, given a heavy parka, a pair of gloves, and herded through a hallway into a heavy freezer door. Once I became oriented, I found myself in a indoor winter ice wonderland of booze consumption. I was given the choice between Heineken, or "pink stuff", I chose the "pink stuff". After two glasses of "pink stuff" I was feeling pretty good, and had the brilliant idea of smashing my two empty ice glasses together (It was like that scene from 2001 A Space Odyssey, when the monkey first discovers he can use a stick as a hitting device). Soon others joined in on the destruction, smashing their glasses to little bits of ice shards. The ice wasn't the only thing to be smashed though. Being a drunken idiot with ice cold numb hands, I dropped a strangers camera when she handed it to me to take a group photo of her and her friends. It was not ALL my fault as it never quite made it into my grasp... but I felt very bad either way (It hit the icy floor really hard). After some more glass-smashing and another glass of "pink stuff" we headed out in an attempt to make it home. The long walk was made even longer by the fact that we were walking with a drunken swagger. We finally made it home after a million pit stops, an attempted camera heist by a scam artist, and a drunken photo session in Dam Square.

Hello from the Ice Bar

Back from the break...

Ok, lets try this again. Erin and Jeff are adjusting well, and seem to have perfectly fit into the Dutch way of daily life. The only problem is trying to sync four peoples sleeping schedules together. I think I finally fell asleep at 5:00am this morning, Miranda went out for "coffee" at around 8:00am, and I am just waking up now at around 2:00pm (We don't believe in the use of alarm clocks while in Amsterdam). Things are kicking into high gear as our guests jet lag finally has worn off. Tonight we go to the "Ice Bar" where everything is made of ice (including the walls, tables, floors, glasses, etc.). It should be pretty cool, and it should be fun to just chill out for the night.
You may have noticed some cool new things on the web site. First, there is the cool slide show on the right sidebar (which replaces the lame slideshow that was there before), also we now have the abilty to post video clips from you-tube (and yes, that is my best godzilla impression on that last video). Our video clips will be of a higher quality going forward, that last clip can be thought of more as a "test", and not an indicator of the videos that will be featured in the future (I'll be doing King Kong impressions in future videos). Also, tons more photos have been added as we now have four people and six cameras between us. Look out for more new stuff in the near future, also Erin and Jeff might do some blog posts here... if I can ever wake them up.

Whats new...

Jeff and Erin have arrived in Amsterdam. They are adjusting to the time change, and adjusting to dutch culture (Translation: We are getting trashed). It's actually like five in the morning here... and I have no business trying to write, so maybe more posts tomorrow!... or maybe not.

Clog Blog

There are clogs everywhere here in the Netherlands, however I have yet to see anyone actually wearing them. I would be worried about getting splinters, or blisters, or clog-foot. The giant clog pictured above was left by 60ft. tall Dutch Milk maid.

Video!

New night time photos in album

A quick break

I'll be taking a quick blogging break to welcome Erin and Jeff to Amsterdam. Be sure to check back after a few days, to see how they are adjusting. Also look out for new site features, and dont forget you can always look at old posts in the blog archive.

Ominous church postcard

Let's talk about the weather

It seems that the weather here is consistently better than all of Washington state. I keep hearing reports of massive amounts of snow in Spokane. Also, I'm hearing there's constant snow on the ground in Bellingham. Apparently Washington is having the "snow of the century"... Well not here, nope the weather here can best be described as "mild" or "ideal". Besides some rain a week or so ago, and an amazing thunder storm the other night, we have had it pretty good... My biggest concern right now, is getting a sun burn. Jeff, you and Erin might want to bring some sunglasses, and sunscreen. Also don't forget to drink plenty of water and stay in the shade (and if you can pack a beach ball, that would be great). So, if you'll excuse me, I have some bikini and squirt-gun shopping to do.
UPDATE: Ok, so I may have over exagerated on this one a little. But you can't deny our weather is kicking ass. (I bet y'all Texan readers are kickin all our asses though).

Crooked buildings

Most of Amsterdam was built on sand, a long time ago. Today many of the older houses are leaning, crooked or otherwise deformed. I would have to overcome my issues with nausia before stepping foot inside.

Meeting new friends

We have been meeting so many nice people (and dogs). Today we met some friends of the guy we switched houses with. One of the guys is a german talk show host who told us where to buy cheap (stolen) bikes. The other guy is a food fanatic who told us which restaurants to visit and which to avoid. Also met a fellow Bellingham-ian... Or is it Bellingham-ite... I met a fellow American from Bellingham, WA who now lives on the same block as our borrowed pad (small world). She brought over her dog, and told us tales of her years in Amsterdam. She actually offered me € 100,00 a week to watch her (huge) house and (cute) dog while she is on vacation in Seattle. Also, she offered to pay to have me train her dog (even though I swore I would never train dogs for money again). The only problem is she needs someone from late March to mid April. Do I dare entertain the thought of staying longer? Probably not... But who knows...????

By request, a pic of our front door

The "Star-Wars" bar

There is one coffeeshop we frequent, that reminds me a little of that scene from the first Star Wars movie. The Spirit coffeeshop is always full of diverse people from different parts of the world, as the Star Wars bar was full of space creatures from different galaxies. The music here is a mixed bag, consisting of your average Bob Marley, The Doors, and Pink Floyd tunes, to the worst club techno music you have ever heard. The wierd thing is, the old haggard locals sing along to the rave style euro-trash beats (imagine your grandpa singing along to "Barbie girl"). Not only is the music eclectic, but this place has some respectable atmosphere. The walls are lined with 1980's psychedelic fantasy art, and the skylights provide some natural light to illuminate the thick smoke lingering above the pooltables.
The best thing about the Spirit Coffeeshop is the games, they have billiards, foosball, air hockey and more. I found my self getting whomped at 8-ball by some middle eastern guys. They showed me how to play by "Dutch rules" which means I get my ass handed to me (it was actually really close). Though lately I have been working on my pool game and soon hope to hustle them for some serious €€€... (Just kidding).

Some quick notes

We have retired the i-phone of its picture taking duties, and are now using a standard digital camera coupled with the powerful Sony PSP (Think of me as future McGuyver). This means higher quality pic's, and less stuff for us to carry around. Also, a laptop computer will be arriving with Jeff and Erin, so say goodbye to the i-phone exclusive method of blogging. Check out all the new pic's by clicking on any photo, and viewing my folder. Keep in mind that ALL the pictures have been shrunk down to fit on this blog, the full sized ones will be available once we are back in Bellingham.